One day I was working with a client and was appreciating the self-discovery that was happening to him. He talked about how he has been shaped professionally and how he has been able to function and succeed in the workplace.
The client focused on very real strengths and abilities. With a twinkle in his eye, he recalled the time he was promoted from a junior position to a senior leadership role within the company, with stories of successful teams and projects flowing out of his mouth. He had accepted the role many years ago.
Unfortunately, despite all of this, the client told me that she feels like she’s somehow hit a plateau, stuck in her job, and can’t see a path to advancement.
“What do you think is stopping you?” I asked.
The client sat in silence for a long time, and I waited. He started speaking in a stutter, then stopped speaking completely. A frown appeared on his face. As I did so, I noticed several emotions come to me. I felt it was caused by something deep within him, so I paused for a moment and asked gently,
“Tell me what you are experiencing right now.”
The client’s eyes filled with tears and the answer came in a slow tone. “I remember a few years ago…”
I waited.
“I worked as a project leader for many months. We were developing an industry-leading product and we were very proud of what we accomplished.”
“Tell me more,” I said.
“Then the week came to present to the CEO. We were ready and very excited. Our VP asked us to give a preliminary briefing the day before. . He gave us an hour and the presentation went well.”
“So what happened?” I asked
“After we finished, my boss sat there with a grim expression on his face and told everyone but me to leave the room. He then started hitting me, sometimes screaming. He told me that the project was He said it was a “disaster” and that he should be ashamed of his role in leading it. He said he was going to cancel the project and tell the CEO he wasn’t ready. ”
I stopped and said more. “Something else must have happened. At least that’s what I get from your body language and facial expressions.”
“Well,” he said regretfully, after looking away and taking another deep breath. “He waited two months and then presented the project as his own. Shortly thereafter, he was promoted. He has been bitter ever since and never does anything more than what he is told. That’s what I vowed at the time.”
“It’s hard to carry,” I said, and then, after a long wait, I asked, “Do you mind if I pursue it a little further?”
He nodded and continued speaking. It was slow at first, but then the words came out like a flood.
What emerged was a theme I’ve heard from many clients over the 10 years I’ve been coaching professionally. A boss, and I intentionally don’t use the word “leader” here, has broken bonds of trust, disrespected someone, made someone feel small or degraded as a person. My client, like many others, kept that memory to himself, albeit hidden away. When he talked about that particular event (he told me I was the first person to hear the story in its entirety), he shared that past experience with his current (and very real) The alignment of his well-developed abilities and desire to grow within the organization was incredibly powerful for him.
I often explain to my clients that they can “name it” and “tame it.” For my client, working with these memories and the emotions that come with them was a breakthrough for him. Over the next few sessions, I saw his confidence grow as he explored more options with intention and enthusiasm. He worked hard to understand that one bad boss doesn’t have to derail your success. He learns that while he may take his boss with him, that boss no longer has control over him. This turned out to be the perspective he needed to get back on track to reinvigorate his own sense of continued success.
