In a recent blog post, I told the story of how I discovered the reason a client was “stuck” in their career. The boss’s actions had a serious impact on the company. the client and his values as a person and professional.
Many readers correctly responded that the client’s awareness, while an important first step, was only the beginning of that particular part of his personal journey.
To illustrate, I recently had the opportunity to speak with another client about a similar situation that occurred several years ago, where he shared that he found relief when he recognized the source of the pain he was experiencing with his boss.
I asked what he meant by “liberation.”
“After many years, I realized that my boss may have made mistakes and may still be making mistakes. I even feel sorry for him.”
“What else do you have?” I asked.
“Well, I left the company a long time ago, but my colleagues from back then say he hasn’t changed. I don’t know, but maybe it’s in his DNA.”
“So what has changed for you?”
“My perspective is one way of looking at it: I now know that I can’t change people’s behavior, but I can change my own reactions and responses. To I can look at them with gratitude for what I learned from them. After my experience with that particular man, I didn’t just become more resilient, I actually became stronger as a person and wiser as a servant leader. I truly realize that every action I take as a leader has a much greater impact on the people I work with than I ever imagined. Being emotionally aware of the ‘ripples’ I cause has been one of the most important self-awarenesses for me. And knowing that I can make mistakes and must make amends for them helps me every day.”
Then his voice faded away…”And there’s one more thing, and it’s the most important thing…”
I leaned in and said, “What else do you have?”
“forgiveness. When I can forgive someone, I feel truly liberated. It is an essential part of who I am and a fundamental part of my spiritual beliefs. I can have a spirit of forgiveness when I pray, meditate, or in quiet contemplation. Everyone deserves to be forgiven, regardless of what they have done. And so do I.”
After the call, I sat in quiet reflection for longer than I usually do at the end of a session, and it occurred to me that many of us spend a great deal of time and energy trying to deepen our awareness of what we have done or what has happened to us, which helps us stop masking the pain and bad memories.
But the important thing to me is this: What to do with that knowledge It is an important part of our shared human “meaning-making” on this wonderful journey called life.
Forgiving others for their bad behavior, perceived or real, is a greater gift than we realize. It is not part of our nature, it goes beyond our natural human response in a beautiful and poetic way. I have seen it in my clients, and I hope that each of us who has at times been a “not-so-good” or even “bad” boss can ask for forgiveness in our own way.
To me, that’s the most liberating part of the story.
