In a recent blog, I shared the story of my client’s discovery of why she was “stuck” in her career. it was related to an incident A boss whose actions had a serious impact on the company Clients and their values as people and professionals.
Many readers correctly responded that while the client’s recognition was an important first step, it was only the beginning of a particular part of his personal journey.
To illustrate, I recently had the opportunity to talk with another client about a similar situation that happened a few years ago. The client described how she felt liberated by recognizing the source of the pain she experienced in her relationship with her boss.
I asked him what he meant by “released.”
“Over the years, I realized that the boss had likely made mistakes and was likely still making mistakes. I almost felt sorry for him.”
“What else?” I asked.
“Well, I’ve long since left the company, but my co-workers at the time said he hasn’t changed. I’m not sure, but maybe it’s in his DNA.”
“And what has changed for you?”
“My perspective on one thing. I realized that you can’t change people’s behavior, but you can certainly change how you react and how you react. to they. And I can look at them with gratitude for what I have learned from them. After that experience with that man, I was not only more resilient, but actually stronger as a person and wiser as a servant leader. I realize that everything I do as a leader has a far greater impact on the people I work with than I ever imagined. Being emotionally aware of my own “awakenings” is one of the most important parts of self-awareness for me. And that helps me every day because I know that I can make mistakes and I have to make up for it. ”
Then his voice became lower and quieter… “Also, there is one more important thing…”
I leaned forward: “What else do you have?”
“forgiveness. When I am able to forgive someone, I feel truly liberated. It is an essential part of who I am and a fundamental part of my spiritual beliefs. You can have a spirit of forgiveness in prayer, meditation, or quiet reflection. Everyone deserves to be forgiven, no matter what they have done. Me too. ”
After the call, I sat quietly and thought for longer than I normally would at the end of a session. It occurred to me then that many of us spend a significant amount of time and energy trying to realize what we have done or what has happened to us. And it helps you stop hiding the pain and bad memories.
But the key for me is: choose what to do with that knowledge It is an important part of the “meaning-making” that we humans share on the wonderful journey of life.
Forgiving others for their perceived or actual bad behavior is a greater gift than any of us realize. It is not part of our nature and transcends our natural reactions in a beautiful and poetic way. I saw it with my clients. And I hope that each of us, in our own way, can seek forgiveness from those of us who have had “not-so-good” or even “bad” bosses at times.
For me, that’s the most liberating part of this story.
